Gentlemen, start your tractors!
Another prestigious sporting event will return to the global stage after being mothballed two years by COVID: the 37th World Ploughing Championships in Ratheniska, Ireland, on Sept. 21-22.
The winner — the Marquis de Sod? — will undoubtedly be decided by the turnover advantage.
Headlines
• At Fark.com: “Fresh off their Final Four appearance, the North Carolina Tar Heels squeak out a 63-61 win against Appalac… — wait a sec, is that a football score?”
• At TheOnion.com: “ ‘Madden’ glitch lets player win Super Bowl with Texans.”
Just Pin, Baby
Former Raiders president Dan Ventrelle has taken a job with WWE as executive vice president.
Apparently he wanted a little less drama in his life.
New York marathon
Carlos Alcaraz and Jannik Sinner played a 5¼-hour match at the U.S. Open, a five-setter that didn’t get over until 2:50 a.m. local time.
“No big deal,” said New York fans who stuck around till the finish. “We see a lot of Yankee-Red Sox games.”
Pot, meet Kettle
Clemson football coach Dabo Swinney — the same guy once said, “As far as paying players, professionalizing college athletics, that’s where you lose me … there’s enough entitlement in this world as there is” — has just agreed to a record 10-year, $115 million contract.
Cue the symbols
The Seahawks are ranked third in the NFL!
The bad news: It’s SportsHandle.com’s rankings of team mascots, where Rampage (Rams), Swoop (Eagles) and Blitz (Seahawks) came in 1-2-3. Dead last is K.C. Wolf (Chiefs).
Tweet of the Week
“Remember that fantasy football and tsunami evacuation both start with a strong run game.” — @waDNR (Washington State Department of Natural Resources)
He’s golden
Buffalo’s Dawson Knox became one of the highest-paid tight ends in the NFL, agreeing to a four-year extension for $53.6 million — $31 million guaranteed.
Or as he’s now known around the Bills’ locker room, Fort Knox.
Good seats left
UCLA drew just 27,143 — a record low for a home game at the Rose Bowl — for their season opener against Bowling Green.
In other words, fans showed up for a football game — and an A’s game at the Oakland Coliseum broke out.
Talking the talk
• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, on disgraced Jon Gruden hoping for ”another shot” at coaching: “The NFL? No chance. College? Absolutely. Some schools would hire Joe Stalin if he could draw up plays and fill seats.”
• Comedy writer Jerry Perisho, on Ty Cobb’s old choppers up for auction: “Just leave your highest bid in a water glass on the nightstand.”
• Ex-LSU football coach Ed Orgeron, to the Little Rock (Ark.) Touchdown Club, when told at his firing he’d receive a $17.1 million buyout: “What time do you want me to leave and what door do you want me out of, brother?”
Stay off the grass
The White Sox, who have had 30 injury-list moves since opening day, added a 31st — 56-year groundskeeper Roger “The Sodfather” Bossard, who will miss most of the season’s final month after a hernia operation.
Or, as the players would say, he can’t rake.
Quote, end quote
• Jon Wilner of the San Jose Mercury-News, via Twitter, on Arizona’s season-opening win over San Diego State: “If this Arizona-SDSU game was a very unofficial tryout to see if they belong in the Pac-12, then I’d say, yes, the Wildcats belong.”
• USC running back Travis Dye, to the L.A. Times, on Trojans QB Caleb Williams: “He can literally do it all. He can pass. He can paint your back porch. He can walk your dog. And he can run the ball. He’s a great player.”
• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, on the Cornhuskers rallying from a 7-7 halftime tie to beat North Dakota: “Nebraska served notice (they) are slightly better than the second-best team in North Dakota. … OK, that doesn’t sound as impressive as I thought.”
• B.C. blogger Gregg Drinnan: “The NFL’s regular season begins and we are bombarded with gambling-related TV commercials. I bet you’re surprised.”
Injury of the Week
That would be LSU defensive tackle Maason Smith, who suffered a season-ending knee injury — while whooping it up and celebrating a first-quarter stop on second-and-seven.
Quote marks
• Joe Fann of @SeattleSports, via Twitter, pumped over football’s return: “Over the last 6 months, I’ve watched every episode of the Bachelor/Bachelorette, Love is Blind, The Ultimatum and Love Island UK with my girlfriend in order to justify how much football I am going to watch the next 5 months.”
• The Associated Press, after the Warriors’ Stephen Curry graduated, had his No. 30 jersey retired by Davidson and was inducted into the school’s hall of fame — all in the same day: “Curry knocked down another huge three — one that was 13 years in the making.”
• RJ Currie of SportsDeke.com, after USA Today called Bill Belichick one of the most arrogant head coaches in all of sport: “On the bright side, at least his ego avoided getting deflated.”