Warning: Dogleg ahead … and maybe a giraffe leg.
Play at the Skukuza Golf Club in the wilds of South Africa had to be held up until the carcass of a giraffe — killed by a couple of lions, who were then replaced by 20 hungry hyenas — could be hauled away from the fairway of the third hole.
“It is what makes Skukuza so special,” greenskeeper Jean Rossouw told the London Daily Mail, “not knowing what is going to happen every time you play.”
Headlines
• At Twitter account @Stripe_City: “The Bengals have informed Joe Burrow that he has made the roster, per sources.”
• At TheNeedling.com: “Ichiro hits own ceremonial first pitch for leadoff double.”
No. 1 in the poles
Ireland’s Ceola McGowan, 31, who just won the women’s title at the World Double Bit Axe Throwing Championships, is also an avid pole-dancer.
Now THAT’s a modern biathlon the Olympics should consider.
Injuries of the Week
It’s a tie!
Ravens coach John Harbaugh reports that team mascot Poe, carted off with a knee injury, is indeed out for the season with “a serious injury to his drumstick.”
And Yankees pitcher Aroldis Chapman landed on the 15-day injured list with “a pretty bad infection” on his leg — from a new tattoo.
Stat of the Week
From sports-business writer Darren Rovell:
$26,326: In-state student tuition, room & board at Alabama for the 2022-23 school year.
$29,315: What Alabama football coach Nick Saban gets paid PER DAY this season.
Well, he is 49
Pitcher Bartolo Colon says he’ll finally retire from professional baseball after pitching one more season of winter ball in his native Dominican Republic.
Just think of his farewell tour as One Last Whiff of Colon.
Smashing pumpkins
Duane Hansen of Syracuse, Nebraska, celebrated his 60th birthday by floating 38 miles down the Missouri River in an 846-pound pumpkin he’d grown and carved out to break the Guinness record by nearly 13 miles.
Out of his gourd? After that 11-hour trip, he certainly was.
Get a whiff of this
From the Records That Will Never Be Broken file: Diamondback Randy Johnson’s 16 strikeouts vs. the Padres on July 18, 2001 — in a relief appearance.
Tweet of the Week
Aug. 29, 2001: Serena Williams wins at U.S. Open, Albert Pujols hits a HR and Vlad Guerrero Sr., Craig Biggio & Dante Bichette all record a hit.
Aug 29, 2022: Serena Williams wins at U.S. Open, Albert Pujols hits a HR and Vlad Guerrero Jr., Cavan Biggio & Bo Bichette all record a hit.
— @DanClarkSports
Bean there, done that
Yankees reliever Greg Weissert threw a two-hitter in his big-league debut.
Well, sort of. He plunked A’s batters with his first two pitches.
Rooster roster alert
This just in: The live crowing rooster mascot at South Carolina football and baseball games will henceforth be “The General” after a dispute with the owners of the previous mascot, “Sir Big Spur.”
Please adjust your two-deeps.
Talking the talk
• Retired sports writer Jim Street, on the Coyotes moving to new home, Mullett Arena: “Perhaps Randy Johnson should throw the ceremonial first puck.”
• Former late-night host Conan O’Brien, via Twitter, on student-loan forgiveness: “Hey, POTUS, now do gambling debts. Please, these guys have my cat.”
Angel in the infield
Apparently it’s three strikes and you’re out for umpires, too.
MLB says Angel Hernandez was passed over for a World Series assignment in 2018 because he had a record three calls at first base in a Yankees-Red Sox playoff game that year overturned via video review.
Quote, end quote
• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com, after Scott Parker, who guided Bournemouth to promotion to the EPL last season, was fired after a 9-0 loss: “Obviously, the team focus shifted from ‘What have you done for us lately?’ to ‘What have you done to us this week?’ ”
• Nick Canepa of The San Diego Union-Tribune, on Nebraska’s embattled football coach: “Scott Frost … unemployment nipping at his nose.”
• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, after the Orioles and Red Sox played in front of 2,467 in the Little League Classic in Williamsport, Pa.: “Or as the Oakland A’s call that at the Coliseum, a good Tuesday night.”
Spreading the pain
The Cardinals’ Albert Pujols homered off his MLB-record 450th different pitcher — or the equivalent of about 37 complete pitching staffs.
Quote marks
• Bob Molinaro, in the Norfolk Virginian-Pilot: “Funny, isn’t it, how under heavy threat from LIV Golf, the PGA just happens to find millions more in its couch cushions to pump up players’ purses?”
• Comedy writer Brad Dickson, after the telecast of the Nebraska-Northwestern game from Dublin showed historic St. Andrews Cathedral: “In Omaha it would be razed to make room for a strip mall.”
• Humorist Dave Barry: “Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.”